


Loves Unlived, Lives Unloved

by CarminaVulcana



Category: Wonder Woman (2017), Wonder Woman (Movies - Jenkins)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lost Love, New love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:48:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22366669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarminaVulcana/pseuds/CarminaVulcana
Summary: Prompt: Wonder Woman prompt - was there any sort of culture shock to Diana when she left Themyscira that went on beneath the surface? It must have been something to hear stories of the outside world, but another altogether to actually see it.ORDiana learns to deal with her thoughts through diary writing. She may be one of the strongest women on Earth. But her heart is gentle like any other, even gentler perhaps. What does she do when heartbreak knocks at her door?
Relationships: Diana (Wonder Woman)/Steve Trevor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Loves Unlived, Lives Unloved

The cup of tea warmed her chilled hands a little. Her slim fingers spasmed involuntarily as the heat of the china gently eased the tension in her cold skin.

“Drink that, you will feel better,” Steve sat down beside her with his own cup in his hands. “I am so sorry about the color of the tea. It really should be richer. But with a used teabag…”

“It is perfect,” Diana reassured him. “And I have never tasted tea before. So I would have never known this is not what it is supposed to be like.”

“Oh… well, then it is on me to take you to a nice tearoom sometime.”

“A tearoom?”

“Yes, it’s a British thing. They take their tea very seriously. But to be fair, the Asians and Americans have tearooms as well.”

“Then you have to take me to a tearoom after the war ends. After we find and destroy Ares.”

Steve smiled uncomfortably at that. He did not know what to say. So he changed the topic.

“What do you drink on Themyscira on cold days?”

“Themyscira doesn’t really have cold days. The sky is blue in all seasons. And the ground is never frozen.”

“Isn’t that boring?”

“It is… Nothing like your magical snow.” She moved closer to Steve and placed her head on his shoulder.

For a long moment, they sipped their weak, watery tea and watched the snowflakes dust the windowsill. Steve’s hand moved to hug her around her middle. She didn’t protest. Emboldened, he pulled her closer and kissed her shoulder.

“Is this normal?” she whispered.

“What? Is what normal?” he asked.

“I feel like there is something fluttering in my belly. Something like butterflies. But it… it makes me happy.”

Steve chuckled.

“Why, angel. Maybe you are falling in love.”

She sat up straight and stared at him, her deep brown eyes wide with alarm.

“I can’t be falling in love,” she exclaimed. “That is not the Amazon way.”

“It is what it is. The flutters of new love.” The humor in Steve’s eyes and the barely restrained laughter in his voice confused Diana.

“You are making a joke.”

“No, I am not,” this time, his voice was tender, but the humor was gone. “I don’t know if you are feeling how I’m feeling. But it is not unheard of… to fall in love in the middle of a war. Maybe it is the desperation. Maybe it is the fragility of our lives. Maybe it is the unpredictability of time. I would like a whole lifetime with you. But… I also know it is a bad idea to think that far.”

“Because we are in the middle of a war?”

“Because we are in the middle of a war.”

Steve stood up and went into the bathroom to change. It was already late, and they had to continue on their way the next morning. Diana was… well, extraordinary. But he needed to sleep if they wanted to keep their momentum.

As if on autopilot, his hands moved of their own volition. He undid his boots, hung up his jacket, tried to finger comb his hair, and splashed water on his face.

Outside, Diana sat alone with only her jumbled thoughts for company.

She counted the seconds and waited for Steve to come out.

“I can’t get rest tonight,” she said to him as he sat on the bed, ready to unroll the thin duvet. “There is too much to think about. How do you deal with this chaos… this madness of your world?”

“I don’t… deal with it, I meeyyaa…” Steve yawned mid-sentence. “Excuse me. I mean, I just go to bed when I am tired. Exhaustion is usually enough to keep the restlessness at bay.”

“And when it is not enough?”

“Then, I write. I write about whatever bothers me.”

Steve got up and crossed the room to pull out a small green notebook and a pen from his knapsack.

“Here, maybe you should try and write. It does help,” he gave her the little notebook. Her hands shook slightly as she accepted it. “And what do I write?”

“Address it to the diary. Write it a letter…. Dear Diary, Today I met a wonderful, amazing woman. Her name is Diana and I don’t think I have ever known a woman as remarkable as her.”

Steve grinned and looked away. Diana blushed a deep shade of crimson. “Mother was right about men. You know how to be charming.”

“Well, charm comes in handy when you’re a spy. Go on. Write. And once you feel better, maybe you can come and sleep as well.”

Diana opened the notebook and started writing. Steve reclined on the bed and watched her for a few minutes. But soon, the almost rhythmic scratching of the pen on paper, lulled him to sleep.

_‘Dear Diary,_

_This feels silly but I am attempting this because I am in man’s world. And this is how they deal with too many thoughts._

_Man’s world is unlike anything I ever imagined. Mother’s stories don’t do justice to its complexity, its diversity, its beauty, and also its horrors. They have weapons that kill by the hundreds within seconds. They have such hate in their hearts that they use these weapons even on unarmed women and children. They are willing to starve in order to win this war. They are willing to be maimed to claim the glory of victory. They are willing to sell their soul in exchange for an enemy soldier’s head._

_And yet, nobody seems to know what the enmity is about, why they are fighting people who look and live like them, and what will be the reward of the victors at the end of this war._

_Steve does not believe me completely. But I know this is the work of Ares. Only Ares can pollute men’s hearts to be so corrupted._

_But knowing this, has not lessened the horror of what I have seen._

_Mother says man’s world is not worth saving. And maybe, a part of her is right. She has only seen the evil men are capable of._

_But I have my own truth now. I know that men can also love, care, and offer their lives in service to a greater cause._

_Steve makes me believe in man’s world. And that frightens me._

_Of course, I am worried about what mother will say. But more than that, I have experienced a terrifying new fear… the fear of loss._

_I fear that he may be in the way of those killing machines someday… that like Antiope, he will fall to their indiscriminate weapons. And I will be unable to stop them._

_Great Hera, I have never known the fear of death._

_I had no idea it was so paralyzing._

_And that is why, I can only marvel at his strength. He knows he can die any moment. But he continues to fight because that’s his duty._

_I grew up on stories of war and valor. To see it with my own eyes, to see it in someone I now care about, to see it in a man no less… Gods, I must be drunk on Soteria’s laudanum wine!_

_I can’t wait for this war to be over. When I find Ares, I will rip him into a thousand and one pieces and scatter them in the four directions of the earth. And then, peace will come back. Steve will take me to a tearoom. And he will teach me to grow old with him._

_Maybe, mother will see that is what I want. And perhaps, Themyscira will give man’s world another chance. If they do, they will not be disappointed._

_Between good men like Steve and marvels like snow and ice cream, mother’s resolve will melt._

_Oh, Hera… please make it so… please make it so.’_

*****

Diana rarely wore sandals to the beach. She liked the cool, grainy texture of the sand between her toes. It was the only thing that anchored her to reality, and to her home.

Man’s world was a distant dream on Themyscira. Stories of babies and ice cream, snow and tea were sometimes recalled in hushed, slurred whispers… usually under the influence of spiced hot wine. But in the harsh glare of daylight, the softness of those wonders melted away… leaving behind the chilled reality of what she had lost.

Her heart refused to repair itself.

Each day, it bled anew for a budding love that had been crushed just at the threshold of bloom.

She could not forgive man’s world for taking Steve from her.

After all she had done, after all she given to them… her Steve had been taken from her.

Shortly after the collective memorial service, she had said her goodbyes to her (and Steve’s) comrades.

Her black dress, coat, hat, and glasses, had been returned to Etta.

The only thing she had brought back from there was the green diary with her single entry in it.

She sat on the beach and stared at her words. They didn’t read like her own words at all.

All that talk of love, loss, and new beginnings—what good had it been?

Her hand itched to toss the little book into the ocean but somehow, like always, her courage failed her.

This notebook, despite its sad reminder of things she couldn’t bear to think about… was a part of Steve.

If she tried hard enough, she could detect a trace of his unique scent in its yellowing pages.

 _“My father always said, you can either do something or nothing… and I already tried nothing,”_ His words ghosted through her ears. She closed her eyes and allowed herself a small glimpse of that memory from almost a century ago.

“And I already tried nothing,” she repeated. “And I already tried nothing.”

In that moment, a flash of clarity came to her.

She needed to let go. And for that, she needed to go back.

Man’s world didn’t know it then, but its history had just been changed forever-- by a century-old love that still lingered in the pages of an aged diary.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever piece for the Wonder Woman fandom. Please let me know what you think.


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